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THE ELUSIVE BEARDUCK

In the grand tradition of narcissists everywhere, I have interviewed myself for your benefit.  Read on and be enlightened.

Me: Before we begin, let me say how stunning you are in person.
Myself: Thanks, so are you!
Me: Yes, I know.
Myself: Okay, first of all, what is a 'bear duck?'
Me: A bear duck is a dog. Naturally.
Myself: Naturally. I don't think any more elaboration is necessary on that point.
Me: Then I'll move on. Do you really make everything yourself?
Myself: Yes. You see these fingers? They are magic.
Me: I wouldn't go that far.
Myself: How long does it take you to make things?
Me: I'm getting faster every day. But there are occasions when I will remake something several times before it looks right. When that happens, I can easily waste half a day with nothing to show for it.
Myself: Boo hoo. As I recall, you wasted a whole weekend watching Firefly on DVD.
Me: I wouldn't call that a waste.
Myself: How did you get started in clay art?
Me: I got a bulletin board and wanted to have cute pushpins. And then I wanted cute paperclips. And cute magnets. I like cute.
Myself: That's nauseating.
Me: I can't help it. It's a mania.
Myself: What else will you cute-ify?
Me: I would like to make some one-offs of small art pieces, but I don't know when I'll have time to get to it. I'm open to suggestions too.
Myself: What do you think about people calling you a geek?
Me: I didn't really set out to be a geek, I was just doing stuff that interested me. I guess if I'm a geek, then geeks are awesome.
Myself: You're not very good at self-reflection.
Me: I have better things to do.
Myself: Yes, you bore me.
Me: And you me. Let's go watch South Park.

Did I crib this from a Colbert Report segment?  Yes I did!  Did you read to the end?  Really?  Well you deserve something for your trouble.  Use the coupon code COLBERT to enjoy 10% off your first order.